Friday, May 06, 2005

Narcissism, Sympathy, Egos and Tories

I always feel sorry for narcissists. They must never get any sympathy. I mean, other people with mental conditions always get sympathy. You know, someone would sympathise with someone if they had schizophrenia or something like "awwww you poor thing" but if they were a diagnosed narcissist "OH WHAT? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME DO YOU!?" Typical myopicness. It's so true though, people really only care about themselves

"I know you're going through a rough time so I am here to help you.."
"Fuck off"
"WELL FINE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE THAT I WON'T HELP YOU!"

Why don't people understand that the ones that say "fuck off" are the ones that need more help than anyone? They're more unhinged. They see through your lie of altruism, they see you're conceited and it really makes them all the more scared and all the more lonely when you verify their convictions and abandon them. And why do you abandon them? Because they attacked your ego. You waltz into their life with your shining armour and expect to be welcomed into their arms as the great saviour and liberator and wap, you got a metaphorical arrow in your eye. That was a historical reference by the way, however, in the event it was referencing, the arrow was much less metaphorical.

In other, completely unrelated news to egos, sympathy and narcissism, the elections were yesterday. Labour won unsurprisingly. Howard will step down. He followed the plan well. You see, when ol' Major left the party, he left a secret Conservative party leader constitution that the leader must abide to. Nobody has rocked the boat yet.

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You have done your job well Mr Howard.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

People are so WEAK it makes me laugh

I'm not talking about physically because I'm all skin and bones. I mean mentally. Me? I'm sharp as a tack and a very sharp one at that. If you sat on my mind, like hell you'd know it and have to have surgery.

People are just all talk, their lips move, things come out they don't mean, then they flip back and do the opposite thing to what they said because they don't have the mental conviction to carry out the promises they made to themselves. Then they wonder why they're unhappy. It's all very amusing and I refuse to mix with them.

So I've decided the only thing I can do is to make my own island. (I want to stand next to a mountain and chop it down with the edge of my hand, pick up all the pieces and make an island. Maybe even raise a little sand.) Sorry for the Hendrix reference. Anyway forming my own island is very appealing to me. I thought. At one time. Now I think I'll save that till I'm retired. You know, find a beautiful Amazonian junglewoman, unspoilt by society, take her to my island and tell her the ways of the world. Of the oceans tide, the moon's glisten, how those large mosquitos penetrate our skin at night and leave us with itchy thighs. Thats something to do when I'm older methinks. I have another idea.

I want to have some sort of fate. Destiny. Where I can travel wearing a green tunic and carrying a sword and shield. Travel from land to land, conversing with people, helping them with their problems. Not in this world though. A world with no map. No map has been drawn because nobody has ever travelled to all these places. Nobody has ever explored the varying landscapes or witnessed all the different races of people that dwell upon them. Maybe I could make a map. I could save that task for when I'm on my island. Then maybe write a book about my many adventures. Anyway, I'd have a quest or something. It'll be like Legend of Zelda you know?

Or it'd be like a dream I had where evil was seeping through this alternative planet via the roots of a carnivorius plant to the West and the young hero sacrificed himself to the plant so the purity of his being and essence may reign and bring peace and prosperity to the land. It was an interesting dream. It started off however with myself being at a space centre then missles were being fired. Large great missles. It was that damn plant. Fucker.

Sharp as a tack...sharp as a tack.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I Enjoyed that Last Cartoon So Much...

I created another one called "Laissez Faire."

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The Man Bringing Me Down With His Assignments

Frankly I am sick of tired of being given so much work. It's like "here's your work, I did it", "thank you, here's some more." And it's just, don't the exam boards realise that I'm a philosophing artist hyperborean and should therefore be exempt by deadlines set for other uncreative robotic students? I decided to draw an artist's interpretation of my almost daily trauma.



It's just not fair.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Franz Ferdinand: Pinko Bastards



I had a dream some many weeks ago that British rock band "Franz Ferdinand" were communist missionaries using their music to convert the youthful masses to their ideology at concerts and today I learn that they are allowing the Green party to use "This Fire" in their election campaign.

Ah but the Greens are not communists you say? WELL HITLER WAS HARDLY A SOCIALIST WAS HE? Obviously Franz Ferdinand are using the Greens as a vehicle to help elevate their Marxist agenda. I decided to research some of their lyrics, and I was shocked at the results.

For instance, "This Fire" is clearly a song dedicated to vicious bloody communist revolution against the capitalist bourgeois sie.

" If this fire is out of control
I'm going to burn this city
Burn this city
If this fire is out of control"

I do believe this roughly translates to if capitalism runs rampant leading to mass unemployment for the working classes in the name of keeping inflation low, I shall unleash my revolutionary spirit, relive good ol' 1917 and chop the Queen's head off.

"This Boy" is a typical anti-rich kid rant because, being communists, Franz hate inheritance. In the song "I Am Your Villain", lead singer Alex Kapranos states

"But serious, you're so serious
Like a waiter hating the rich, but taking their tips"

This clearly being a reference to those whom are not truly faithful to the communist cause. Then the song "Swallow, Smile" is obviously about the acceptance of Soviet propaganda:

" It's the only feeling I've kept towards you
That resembles any passion, any tremble, any word,
I'll take and turn it, twist and pissed-on, I'll return it
Give me more, give me, I'll swallow, swallow, swallow, smile"

Probably worst of all is the song "Walk Away" where Franz babble about a communist utopia where Stalin would still be in power. First they condone totalitarianism:

" Inoccence fot pride, crush the end within my stride
Said Im strong now I know that Im a leader"

Relive Trotsky fleeing to Mexico:

" And love the sound of you walking away, you walking away"

This is backed up by the line

" Oh, and Im not cold, I am old, at least as old as you are"

And who was as old as Trotsky? Whose birthday was a mere month apart? STALIN.

Worst off the song ends with Franz's distorted message of brotherhood between former world leaders under Marxist-Stalinism.

"Stalin smiles and Hitler laughs
Churchill claps Mao Tse-Tung on the back."

Their homoerotic ode to notorious leftist freedom hating commie bastard Michael Moore, simply entitled "Michael" cements the evidence. The lyrics are too sordid to post here.

So there you have it. Franz want to redistribute wealth, kill the Monarchy, abolish the house of Lords and rid Britain of Christianity (in order to destroy the "opiate of the masses.")

Friday, April 08, 2005

How I Injured Myself

I injured myself last night. I had a dream that a large train was coming towards me and I had to get out of the way so I flung myself out of the way and avoided it. Thats the good news. I avoided the train. The bad news was that I had leapt out of bed, flung myself a good 6 feet across my room and whacked my eye into the corner of a table. It was pretty painful, although my eyeball is pretty unscarred. I cut my eyelid, my eyebrow and I think I'm on the way to getting a black eye. Check out the damage.

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I expect lots and lots of sympathy in the comments.

My name is Ryan...

I am four years old
And I am an invisible martian
Want to play?

Friday, March 18, 2005

How I Thwarted a Conversion to Christianity

I was innocently walking around Solihull at lunch today when I was approached by some Christian missionaries who happened to be a couple of teenage girls. After explaining to me that they were missionaries looking for donations I decided to give them £2. Not sure I should have now looking back, I just hope that money goes towards something thats not brainwashing people. Well anyway after I gave them some money the conversation went a little like this:

"Oh so you're Christians hey?"
"Yes are you?"
"Ah, I'm a devout agnostic"
"That's where you're not sure one way or the other isn't it?"
"Yeah"
"Do you believe in Jesus?"
"No...well I don't know."

At this point she handed me a pamplet called "what some people get high on" and it was going along saying "some people get high on drugs", "some people get high on money", "some people get high on possessions", "some people get high on power", "some people get high on image" and then pointed out "problem is....never lasts." It then went on to try and point out that Jimi Hendrix, Lord Byron and Van Morrison echoed words out of the bible. These Christians are real hip, all the kids at my school are down with Van Morrison.

The girl pointed me to a poem on the leaflet which I've taken the courtesy of typing out below.

"Jesus, I've tried lots of things, but I've never really tried you. I want you in my life so I can experience true happiness, peace, and a reason for living. I wouldn't mind going to that fantastic place after I die either. Please come into my heart and wipe away all my mistares [sic] as only you know how."

"If you read this then you'll get into heaven, all you need to do is let Jesus into your heart"

This was the point where I did get slightly annoyed, I still remained civil though and held back on a lot of things I wanted to say.

"So it doesn't matter what I do, I just need to read that poem and I'll get into heaven?" *lashings of sarcasm*

"Yes, your actions don't really matter too much, as long as you read the poem. You don't even need to believe in it."

"It doesn't even matter if I repent my sins or not because as long as I read that poem, I'll get into heaven?"

"You don't need to repent your sins, Jesus already did that for you, he died on the cross for you."

"That's a bit lazy isn't it?"

"It's not lazy, say, if I gave a gift to you and you'd take it, that wouldn't be lazy would it?"

"I think it's slightly deeper than that."

Anyway, they were nice enough girls, just a bit misled in my opinion. They probably thought the same about me. They also gave me another leaflet which basically told me not to practice "free will" and to leave my decisions to Jesus who can guide me in the right direction from his superior vantage point. Well, I think my vantage point is superior because there is a stronger arguement that my mind EXISTS than Jesus (although some would disagree.) Jesus' arguement for a superior vantage point is quite diminished by the fact that there is no evidence that he even exists as a higher power and even if he did exist as a higher power, would he even be bothered by me? So I think my vantage point is superior because it is a far more reliable source.

Oh and my friends found a wallet, took the money out of it and handed it in. The same people that call me the evil immoral one. I scoff! Hahaha.